Monday, 30 July 2007

Our Hiro

We had wanted to introduce our new family member Hiro Wong to everyone after he stabilised but unfortunately, he left us today, on 30 Jul 2007 Mon. Here's a write-up on Hiro's short time with us...

After our Brownie passed away, we had been thinking of getting another pet. So we decided on another rabbit and on 16 Jul 2007, we went to Pet Safari to take a look. When we saw Hiro, we immediately had an affinity towards him. We were attracted to his fluffy face because he had a little mane like a lion's. He was also open to us cuddling him, which was great. So we decided to buy him and spent quite some time choosing a suitable cage, necessities and accessories. We also made an appointment with the resident vet on 19 Jul 2007 to do a thorough check-up for Hiro before we brought him home. We were v excited, went home and prepared his cage and eagerly awaited his arrival. We dreamt of many happy times we shall spend with him, like we had with Brownie. However, when we went to collect Hiro on 19 Jul 2007 Thu, we were told that he was not doing too well and had a bout of diarrhoea which they claimed had since cleared. The personnel suggested that we leave him there for about a week or so but after consulting the vet, she assured us that he is fine albeit a little thin and we could bring him home if we wanted to. We decided to bring him home. She prescribed some acidophilus for animals (like Yakult) which we were to administer twice a day.

Chris felt uneasy so he brought Hiro to see Brownie's vet the next day. She confirmed through a faecal test that he had Coccidiosis, an infection caused by a protozoan organism. We didn't want to send him back to the shop because he were worried that they may put him to sleep. Moreover, we've already started treating him as part of the family.

So Hiro was put on a course of anti-biotics which were feed through a syringe twice a day. When his stools were hard, we'd be thrilled and think he was getting better. But most of the time, his stools were soft and we cleaned his cage twice a day. Chris would wake up at 6am to clean his cage and feed him the medication and I'd feed in the evening after coming back from work. On the first night, Chris was so worried that he slept on the floor in the living room beside Hiro's cage to keep an eye on him. We also cleaned his bottom almost everyday since he was here because he'd stain himself from the diarrhoea. We monitored the amount of fluid and food he took in everyday and weighed him to see if he'd put on weight. For a few days last week he seemed fine and was even able to crawl out to play. We took some shots of him while he was out to play. Hiro loved dried bits of carrot and we'd use them as treats for him.

When he was feeling better, he was actually very attention-seeking and would perch his fore paws on the metal grill of his cage and look at us with the cutest eyes. We could not but bend down and stroke him! Sometimes he'd bite on the grill (k... k... k...) when he wants attention. Chris always gave in to him and offered him the carrot bits.

On 29 Jul 2007 Sun, after we came back from church, we realised that Hiro was very very weak. Normally when we go near the cage, he'd get very excited and when we opened the door, he'd want to jump out. But yesterday evening, he was limp, still breathing but he was just slumped on the floor of his cage on his belly. We tried giving him his favourite carrot bit but he was not interested. He just held the piece in his mouth and didn't even have the energy to chew. We immediately called the vet and rushed him down to the clinic. The vet Dr Ling was very helpful and opened the clinic just for us (it was closed). She diagnosed it as low glucose level (we realised he had not eaten anything from his food bowl since morning) so she gave him a shot of glucose in his leg. He looked much better after that so we brought him home. Dr Ling says to give hime whatever he wanted to eat to fatten him up, even if it was tidbits (junk food).

This morning he still looked weak but was fine when we left for work. I end work early today and was supposed to go for a facial appointment but somehow my heart just didn't feel at ease. So after leaving the office in a cab, I instructed the taxi-driver to detour home to take a look at him. When I reached home, I saw Hiro slumped on his side in a corner. His eyes were still open but when I touched him, he was hard.... That's when I knew he had passed away. I burst into tears and called Chris but he was in a meeting so could not come to the phone. I just sat there on the floor, stroked Hiro and cried and cried. I texted some friends who had known Hiro (vaguely, cos we didn't tell many people about him as he was unstable).

Dear friends, thank you for being there and for your sincere condolences. Of all the people I texted, only Grace had seen Hiro in rabbit (as opposed to in "person").

Hiro, daddy and mummy will miss you. You had been a good boy and had brought us much joy.

Hiro will be cremated on 8 Aug 2007. In the mean time, his body will be resting at Mt Pleasant Hospital. As my memory card is still with my colleague, I will only be able to upload Hiro's pictures tomorrow.

Sunday, 29 July 2007

Name Game

Although Chris n i have decided not to reproduce, we sometimes talk about possible names just in case. we recently had one such conversation in the car.

~ i like the name Thaddeus

" but our polo ralph bear is called Thaddeus

~ How about Melchizedek or Bartholomew? Kolmogorov or Chebyshev? How about Fibbonacci?

" er dear, can we keep it to a minimum of 2 syllabi? otherwise during exam our kid got to write name on every page can die!"

~ can custom make self inking stamp what?!

" er... ok....

~ Thaddeus Christopher Bartholomew Wong, very nice.

"sounds gay"

*glare*

"how about Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter?"

~ so common.

"then call blue bird la. sure uncommon one."

*glare*

~ chinese name i like "Jun Bin" jun for handsome, "bin" is written a "wen" and a "wu" so he will be "wen wu shuang chuen". then our son will be handsome, good in academics and also athletic! wa, power hor?

"how about xiao ming?"

~ like the cockroach??

"elder son call daming, younger one call xiaoming... easy to write"

*glare*

"or just single word la. call "di", as in "wang di" like emperor..."

*glare*

"or wang jie, like the singer"

*glare*

"or if girl then yiling la... one zero, easy to write."

~ binary hor? so first child call ling ling, second call yiling, third call ling yi, and so on hor... *proceeded to count to 16 w one hand using binary code*

~i like Jun Bin. girl call Jie Xin (clean heart), Melody Wang Jie Xin.

"oh, then son call Harmony lor. one Melody, one Harmony....i still like xiaoming, easy to write"

~ i carry the child for 9 months! so xin ku.... u want to name him after a cockroach!!!!

"ok ok, u name u name ok..."

~ Thaddeus Christopher Melchizedek Wang Jun Bin. nice.

"..."

Flashes From The Past: Ice Cream With Kor

Today Chris n i were running some errands n passed by an Anderson's ice cream station so we each got a scoop. i ordered belgian choc chip n on their menu they printed, "ask for FREE topping of whipped cream, caramel or choc fudge" so i asked

~ aunty, can i have some whipped cream topping?

" ah... no more whip cream, ongly calamel or chocorate fudch.

*i thought: ha??? can i don't want my ice cream then...?* but said

~ er... ok... then no toppings pls. thanks *@#&%*

so i was a bit pissed... chey, ice cream without whipped cream... i dug into the sphere w my plastic spoon and took a lick... er, it's not chocolatey one. i felt so kena conned. it's not chocolatey enough to deserve to be named BELGIAN choc chip... so i ate v v slowly all the while thinking of the calories minus the taste. people always think i'm v health conscious. i am. but occasionally i don't mind the calories if the taste is worth it... like royce chocolate!!!! oh.... mmmmm! wagyu w marbled fat! mmm.... katong laksa ooohhh! n chomp chomp hokkien mee... aaahhhhh.... ok ok, enough. so i was jabbing the not-so-chocolatey-but-claim-to-be-BELGIAN-choc choc ice cream when chris turned around, cleaning his mouth...

"wa dear, u still have so much ice cream! u eat so slowly! i help u!"

suddenly, i had a flashback....

my kor and i used to play at the playground just behind our block almost every day after school (that was last time. if i had been born later, i would be doing some stupid ASSessment book or having Math tuition... so sad). when e ice cream man arrived, we'd scream up to mum on the 7th floor,

"MI! ICE CREAM LAI LIAO!"

and she'd clip a $1 note with a wooden clothes peg and throw it down... there'd be other kids there too doing the same thing. so u'd see a group of kids scampering to the same grass patch to pick up their prize. i always liked ice cream in a cup cos i don't like it when it drips from the cone, my fingers will be coated w ice cream half way through. but my kor likes the cone n eats v fast.... then he'd turn to look at my ice cream..

"girl ah, ni chi bu wan kor kor bang ni chi..." (girl, if u can't finish kor kor help u to finish"

*glare*

and if my mum bought a tub of ice cream, we'd scoop out a chunk onto a PLATE then after we finish we'd lick and lick and lick, lick the rim clockwise, anticlockwise, the inside down up down up, rotate 90 deg down up down up again. until it's so clean i bet mum won't know even if we just put it back on the dish rack without washing! ^^ kekeke.

sometimes i still eat like that at home... the first time chris saw it he was stunned and said,

"er dear, if u want some more, freezer still have... u don't have to be so ke lian (pathetic)"

but i like eating that way, cos it reminds me of my kor and my happy childhood...

Hajimemashite

Hajimemashite.

I am Hiro Wong. I teleport from future. My mummy will upload my pictures next week.

Mataraishyu

Saturday, 28 July 2007

Hua Yu, Cool!

A few days ago, my company had some visitors from China. We gathered to welcome them and their team leader gave an introductory speech. he went,

" shee shee sha sha shee shee sha....shee sha sho shi shee shee sha sha"

i knit my brows "ha?" It took me about 3 sentences to figure out he WAS speaking Chinese! The thing was, he would pause and everyone would clap and i thought, "die, my chinese is so bad i don't understand a word he is saying! but everyone else does! and they're clapping!!" then i turned to the person beside me and asked,

~ ey, what's he saying?"

"i have no idea!" *smiles and claps along*

i turned to another,

~ hey, did you catch what he was saying?

"no... just clap la. every time he pauses, just clap." *claps enthusiastically*

so i followed suit. everytime he paused, there was thundering applause! and wow, the effect was quite good! i believe they were v impressed by our warm welcome!

this reminds me about my Uni classmate A. we were in the same honours class and A.'s thesis examiner is a Chinese lecturer. So A., his supervisor B and examiner C sat in a room for the Q&A section and C went:

"shee shee sha sha shee shee sha..."
A: i beg your pardon sir, can you pls repeat?"
C: shee shee sha sha shee shee sha...
*A starts to panic.... thinking, "Oh dear, i don't understand the question! how can i answer a question i don't understand!!!*

so B translated and throughout the entire session, C went "shee shee sha sha shee shee sha..." and B translated and A answered. Ha ha...

Chris thinks the standard of Chinese among Singaporeans is generally pathetic (me included). He is v proud of his roots and i must say his Chinese is quite good. Once he gave me a Chinese novel and commanded...

"dear, read this page."

i looked at the words and went...

~ er... read left to right or right to left??

*roll eye balls* "up to down! from right to left!!!!

~ er..... ok... er... hm... xiao long nu.... *pause pause pause* yang guo.... ya.

i read a grand total of 5 words in that page... but i do try to learn from him and at every opportunity, will spout out strings of profound sounding Chinese idioms in front of my clients and they'd be like "wa! your chinese is so power!" ^^

jon once told me about his friend who ordered food at a stall and was waiting for his order. the aunty wanted to double check what he ordered so asked him,

"ah di, ni jiao she me? (boy, what did u order?)

to which he answered

"er, wo jiao Andrew"

Ah ha ha ha! I laughed until i cried when i heard it! gosh.... classic.

sigh, we really need the Huayu, Cool campaign cos our chinese really suck! big time...

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Recently there have been reports of siblings fighting one another out in court over inheritance... they're shooting lawyers letters to one another like flying daggers... so sad. i am sure after all these they won't even look each other in the eye... makes me think that not being filthy rich is also a good thing... at least i know Chris married me because of me, not my money (cos i don't have) and my kor n i got no chance to fight over inheritance cos also got none! ha ha...

i love my kor... we were v close before my parents separated. i shared my every secret w him and he used to shield me from my mum's cane. i NEVER got caned, cos my kor would get caned first. he was v agile, would run to room, dash to living room, shoot to kitchen, hide in toilet so my mum was totally wasted by the time it was my turn then i'd wail and she'd cannot tahan so she wouldn't hit me. ha ha ha... i'd say the reason why i'm so spoilt is partly because of him. he was also v protective... some of his friends used to want to ask me out but he will like get angry... there was also this irritating guy (i believed he was a butch u see) whom i was avoiding but kept calling still... my kor once answered the phone and threatened to beat the daylights out of him. he got the idea and never called again! bravo, my kor is my hero! but he was not always so protective. i remember first day of school in primary 1...

"you... don't tell people u r my mei mei ha!"

~ orh...

"recess u don't follow me ha! u go play your zero point, don't disturb me play goli..."

~orh...

when we went home, i reported to my mum

~mi, kor asked me not to tell people i his mei mei...

he kena whacked jialat jialat that day...

then in primary 3...

during assembly, we were all seated and the prefects (my kor was one of them, i eventually also became prefect but i was a good one, never catch people one) were watching us like hawks, ever ready to report us to the discipline teacher when the opportunity arises. my friend turned to talk to me and before i could respond, the stupid head prefect hauled me up to stand in a corner. i was so pissed and motioned my kor to come over...

~ oei kor, that stupid xiaoyun catch me! i wasn't talking! my friend talked to me!

"u aw bee good! who ask u to be so talkative?"

~ey, she ony catch one person. i talk to who? she must catch my friend also!"

"=P" *walk away*

later i found out my kor liked the stupid xiaoyun so he didn't dare stand up for me...

i related the incident to my mum when we reached home... my kor kena whacked really jialat... he did the usual darting around to dodge the cane then hid in toilet, my mum kicked open the door a la Bruce Lee wa, door kena slammed on his nose his nose bled... so poor thing... i felt so bad... even up til now when i think of it, i still feel bad...

And when my boyfriend broke off w me in JC1, i cried like mad cos i really liked him a lot (he is v handsome and got nice body ma, a gymnast from Hwa Chong. tall and well built one leh. unfortunately, i still remember his stupid face even though we didn't take any pictures. that b*st*rd didn't have the balls to break off w me he told his friend to do it. what a tweet)... i just put my head on my kor's chest and sobbed like mad. his chest was covered w my tears, saliva and mucus... i pulled my face away and there was this strand of mucus like mozzarella cheese when u eat pizza... ha ha...

blood is indeed thicker than water, in our case, mucus. ha ha!

Baby? No thanks...

Read a report on Wed in the ST that of the 28000 applicants to local Us (NUS, NTU and SMU), 49% are successful... how reassuring... that's like HALF! then on thu, there was a report on the high property prices in singapore... i remember that when my parents bought their 4-room HDB flat, it cost about $70,000. now a similar flat in the same area cost about FOUR times the price. some people's faucet probably cost $70, 000... while there r people who r raising a family of 5 on $800 a month, there r those who drive a HDB flat (those two door, no roof one)....

then the other day i was at the bank and they were showing an ad about saving up for your child's education... it's predicted that u will need at least $60,000 for a general degree (doc no need to say liao, confirm not enough money) sigh.... i can't imagine how it will be like for the next generation... if we have kids...

first we have to worry about which primary school to send him to... i hear people moving house to be within 1km radius or doing some community service directing traffic on school mornings. i think i'd look really dumb directing traffic, i'd probably wear a brown paper bag with two holes for eyes... in any case, chris n i can't agree on the school... i insist on elite schools like ACJS cos i'm methodist but chris prefers "neighbourhood" schools.

then u get stressed about streaming, scared they go EM3... then PSLE. every year my pastor never fails to remind us to pray for students and parents during exam time. the parents r more stressed than the kids. then everyone flocks to JC thinking it's the fastest route to U but no one told them that ey, sorry, u may not make it to the U...

actually we're not so worried that our kid will not make it... with our excellent genes, if our kid looks like me and thinks like chris, he will be invincible. if he looks like chris and thinks like me, well, he'd still be brilliant... ha ha.... but we probably cannot afford to give him the best education (which we believe is overseas) and we can't afford to give him any decent wedding gift.... my friend just married a doc wife and the wife's parents gave them a piece of property in katong as a wedding gift. they're selling it for $1.5m and will use the money to buy a smaller apartment. they will be debt-free. how nice.

chris shudders when he thinks of the possibility that our child may have to fork out a million bucks for a HDB flat... as it is, flats in Tiong Bahru are already fetching more than $700,000. our parents r in debt, we r in debt, our kids will be in debt... everyone staying in a HDB flat is in debt. and one third of the loan we r repaying is actually the interest! gosh!

today's scripture reading had the message "go forth and multiply"... don't know if God is speaking to me... if it's God's will, i believe He will provide for us. but for now, we are so not ready...

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Crouching Tiger Hidden White Horse

This is why I like Mr Brown man.... ha ha ha... this is one of the best shows so far... wan sui wan sui wan wan sui! LOL

The Swordsman

one blogger translates the cantonese part at the end as:
"Xiao li fei dao.
Why are you so lidat?
Why are you anyhowly shooting your flying daggers?
Come.
I slap your hand."

I Have an Allergy

I have an allergy. actually i believe everyone has it too just that not everyone has the balls to admit it (not that i have balls but that's another issue). i am allergic to working on weekends and public holidays.

i have got to work this sat and the next and am feeling so depressed that my musical genes surfaced so i penned a song. took me about 10 mins. i dedicate this to all my dear fellow colleagues, my church friend pris who has to work every sat except one sat a month and era, who i think has to work EVERY sat....

for those who don't know jap, i've had to use "Doyoobi" which means Saturday so that it rhymes. and Gigi is my new OSIM iecologi.

in conjunction w the coming festivities, i have penned it to the tune of Kit Chan's "Home"...

Here it goes:

Whenever I am feeling low
It is because I have to go
Back to work on a weekend morning
Because I simply can't say no
I will keep thinking of the city
Know every street and store
Stuck in my office which brings no life
It is jin jia kang kor!

Chorus:
This is pain truly
Home is where I should be
Where my bed waits for me
And my favourite TV shows

This is pain surely
As my senses tell me
Home is where I would rather be!
On such a lovely doyoobi!


When there are troubles to go through
Can't find a way to siam arrow
There's discomfort in the knowledge
We've got to work next weekend too

So we'll suffer along together
Just like we've done before
Stuck in our office
Which brings no life
What can be more tong kor?

Chorus:
This is pain truly
Home is where I should be
Where my bed waits for me
And my favourite TV shows

This is pain surely
As my senses tell me
Home is where I would rather be!
On such a lovely doyoobi!


*Music climaxes*

Repeat Chorus

When breakfast is... Ya Kun loh ti....

Sunday, 15 July 2007

Blue Bird in the Sky

Just in case some of u think i'm weird because i named my iecologi Gigi... well, i wanted to give some examples of people around me who do that to their toys as well... Chris calls his apple Mac, Margaret... and his car Akachan and grace, she's the ultimate when it comes to naming faux pax...

grace and rog got a light blue car recently (which is recuperating in workshop cos grace just langgah remember?) and rog recounted the hilarious incident to us...

rog: guess what grace wanted to call him... she said, "dear! let's call him "blue bird"!"

*rog and chris looked at each other, thinking about the same thing...*

rog: so i said "er dear, not a very good idea"

me: why not?

chris: er dear, try saying it in hokkien....

me: lam... oh... oh... ya, very bad idea grace

grace: ya! i didn't know! *laughs hysterically*

*chris and rog roll eye balls*

grace: so we decided to call him Mr Sky...

but somehow we could not forget his first name... n when he kena langgah by his mum, i wanted to ask rog "ey roger, your blue bird injured ah?" but didn't la, wait grace get angry....

next time when u name your children, make sure u read it in all major singaporean dialects otherwise if it's a son, he will surely kena in the army...

Product Review: OSIM iEcologi (*****)

*(la bi xiao xin's dong gan chao ren theme song playing in the background) dong gan chao ren stance, with rays of bright light radiating outwards* AH HA HA HA HA!

finally! my iecologi has arrived! Yippee! it's this sexy black beauty... v chio.... i named her gigi =D

i called the OSIM guy to come and demo at my place and wow, it can suck floor, steam floor, clean windows, steam mites, steam stove, even clean W.C.! it's so easy to use i can alternate between left and right hand so that my muscles don't become unbalanced (like my girlfriend yufen, cos now one of her arms has to bear the weight of her ONE CARAT diamond ring.... not balanced...)

the brochure showed a lady wearing HEELS holding the machine and i was like, "wa lao, where got people vacuum house wearing heels one?" but i swear i'd be able to use this baby wearing my ferragamos! i didn't sweat like a cow and i found it quite ergonomical too, no back breaking bending, just easy push down, pull up and what i love most is the ON/OFF switch which is where your fingers r, not on the machine itself like all other machines i have used. so everytime u switch on/off u don't need to bend down to press the button on the machine, u just press it where u r holding the sucker thing. add points. it's rather large but not as gigantic as rainbow and the sucker is not as tentacly as dyson. add points.

i went into the study where chris was engaged in fierce battle on his PC but felt obliged to stand up and make way for gigi and me. somehow it makes him feel less bad cos he didn't offer to help u see. i said..

~ u can sit down, no need to stand... just lift up your legs.

"orh! *remained standing and lifted up ONE leg, hentak kaki style*"

~ *breathe in, close eyes for a moment to prevent outburst, deep breath out* i said LEGSSSS!

"orh! *jumped up and tried to stay airborne for one 100th of a second*

~ ....

chris just has a way of irritating me...

anyway, after i was done, chris was impressed...

"wa dear, floor very clean leh!"

~ AH BU DEN! *basking in pride and soaking in the satisfaction*

i tell u, the floor is so squeaky clean, without using a single drop of detergent, so clean that we can totally eat our lunch off the floor... i actually saved a small cup of the dirty water to upload on my blog but chris said i was v gross so i decided not to put u guys through it....

my verdict: worth every cent! (can't wait to clean windows n suck mattresses before Christmas...)

*dong gan chao ren stance, with rays of bright light radiating outwards* AH HA HA HA HA! (la bi xiao xin's dong gan chao ren theme song playing in the background)

Saturday, 14 July 2007

Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix ***

Just caught Harry Potter and i don't know if it's just me but i found it rather boring. my fav episode is still Prisoner of Azkaban, which had me gripping my seat from excitement...

ok, so harry (daniel radcliffe) has grown more handsome (actually he looks quite cute... it's the geeky look la, u know, peter parker, harry potter, both i like although daniel radcliffe is a tad too young...), ron weasley (rupert grint) looks like he underwent some growth spurt and hermione granger (emma watson) looks like she can send the hearts of teenage boys into a flutter. in this episode, they have to fight you-know-who (what's new?) but i didn't find the plot exciting at all. and somehow watching voldemort again makes me feel that he looks like one of the characters in star wars, the neimoidians, except that the latter look more wrinkly... i like how the san francisco chronicle put it... "Any movie that has Michael Gambon (dumbledore) walking around with a napkin ring in his beard can't be all bad. The same could be said with any movie that has Ralph Fiennes (Voldemort) looking like he just got back from seeing Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon..." ha ha...

i hate Cho Chang man.... she is not even pretty and Daniel's first screen kiss went to her, pui! There are like trillions of asians n she's the best they could find? pui again. she just tagged her picture on every teenage girls dart board, serves her right. kra...! pui! but i'm a little upset that there is only one asian in Hogwarts and she was portrayed as a traitor (albeit against her will)... shared this sentiment w chris in the car...

~ hai... if it's afro-american, sure got big hoo hah....

" but we all asians can't be bothered la.... we'd just make pirated copies of the show.. ha ha "

the other character i absolutely detest is Dolores Umbridge (sounds like "I'm b*tch" hor?). she is so super irritating, with her fake smile and obnoxious giggle at the end of her speech. and her outfits, wa biang... hideous! hate that she likes pink cos i like pink too and hate that she likes tea.... pui! but somehow i feel there is a tinge of satire on the current world educational system, where more emphasis is placed on results rather than life skills... n it's so stifling, this cannot do that cannot do... sad.

i am quite annoyed that Emma Thompson (the professor w coke bottle glasses who kena kicked out) didn't get more screen time. She's such an excellent actress. pui.

but there was an interesting bit on Professor Snape (Alan Rickman) that provides a possible explanation of why he always looks so pissed like he kena constipation every day.... quoting San Fran Chronicle again "actually Rickman plays a good guy, but fortunately someone forgot to inform him." ha ha...

my fav scene is the one at the beginning when they fly pass Big Ben and Houses of Parliament on their broom sticks. that's it.

highly recommended if you're a pre-pubescent girl,
not recommended if u r a child, u may get nightmares like harry,
not recommended for adults, u may get bored...

Dear, I Langgah...

Last night we were having bible study at my place and waiting for grace, the queen of pattern-chuting, to arrive when rog, her husband's phone rang... grace was on the other line...

rog: ya...

grace: dear... i langgah leh...

rog: *continues lounging in my couch, not startled at all* ha u langgah? u ok?

me: HA? GRACE LANGGAH? HOW IS SHE? WHERE WHERE???? *turns to chris* DEAR! WE GO FETCH HER!

rog: *still relaxed* where r u? chris go fetch u...

*pris comes out from the toilet...*

me: PRIS! GRACE GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT!!!!! BUT THANK GOD SHE IS NOT HURT...

pris: *puts both hands over her mouth, gasps and looks startled* OH NO!!!!

*rog puts down the phone and continues lounging in his seat*

me: EY!!! MAI TU LIAO! QUICK! BLOW OUT THE CANDLES, SWITCH OFF THE AIR CON! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! POOR GIRL! SHE MUST BE SO SCARED!

chris: you like more kancheong than her husband!

me:*shoot dagger stare at chris and rog* roger, i can't believe u r so cool about it! *lectures him*

(in our car)

rog: ah ya, she is ok one.... first time i v kancheong but after a while it becomes so frequent like every other day so i used to it liao...

chris: wa, your car insurance must be v chor hor?

rog: she is not allowed to drive anymore....

me: get her a chauffeur pls!

rog: i can't afford...

me: *blow out fumes*

chris: (turns to me) dear, that's why u also shouldn't drive.... =)

me: *shoot dagger glare*

Tio Charged...

wa, did u read? recently some BIG SHOT's son in the army got charged.... apparently his superior was a pro at eating snake he got so pissed he wrote an email to the chief of defence and Cced to EVERY other person. according to one blogger "to minister, minister mother, minister mistress, minister maid, chief of army, chief of army mother father, and all the signal battalion, from CO to storeman, OC to clerk..."

ha ha, wa, so serious.... i can't comment too much. but i can't stop u if u want to blog search and read it yourself (warning: contains coarse language not suitable for children)

Wo Chong Shan Zhong Lai...

*musical prelude: wo chong shan zhong la..ai... dai zhe lan hua cao....*

My colleagues CC*, TF, KS and i were having lunch at the pantry and we started talking about Harry Potter, the order of the phoenix....

Me: Wah! i went on-line to book tickets for HP and the tickets are like sold out. I wanted to buy the Gold Class but no chance!

TF: one thing i have learnt is never ever to watch a blockbuster on the weekend it opens. it's super crowded! my husband and i went to watch Transformers and we Q-ed up for super long!!!

Me: Er.... there's on-line booking and phone booking lor.... chris n i always wonder why people even bother to Q up for tickets...

TF: no! because i got a voucher n voucher cannot use for on-line or phone booking!

Me: then u watch on a tuesday la... not so crowded.

TF: but my husband feel use voucher on tue not worth ley...

Me: *roll eye balls*

KS: then why don't you buy on a weekday for sat movie?

TF: ha? can like that meh? not must buy on same day meh?

*KS and i exchange glances*

Me: Ah bu then

KS: er.... u.... live in er mei or wudang shan???

TF: really ah? i didn't know can leh. thought must buy on same day...

Me: so your address is Block XXX, Bukit Ermei.... can buy in advance one. like go on thu to buy for sat...

TF: u all don't like that la... i really don't know ma... ok, next time i'll do that...

* you will notice that CC was not in the conversation at all because she was having lunch via webcam on a laptop w her boyfriend in the US. she'd whip out her food one by one, pose in front of the cam, smile then take a bite. lovebirds.... wait til they get married.... if chris is away... i'd be like "Yippee! no one to ban me from eating ban mee!!!! wah ha ha ha ha!"

this episode w TF reminds me of how i feel Chris is also from Bukit Wudang sometimes....

During our honeymoon in NZ, we stopped by in Sydney and I booked tickets to a performance at the Sydney Opera House. So i made Chris dress up and all and we went to the performance...

15 mins into the show, Chris leaned towards me and whispered...

"dear, wei shen me mei you jiang hua de? (dear, why is there no dialogue?)"

~ *cover half my face w my left hand and wish that i can instantly vanish* dear, it's a BALLET (we were watching swan lake ballet) *roll eye balls*

"orh.... ballet mei you jiang hua de ha? (so there's no dialogue in ballet ha?)"

~ *wish i can hide in my purse* er.... ya....

thankfully we were in oz so were surrounded by ang mos, hopefully they don't understand Mandarin...

*musical postlude: wo chong shan zhong la..ai... dai zhe lan hua cao....*

(just to clarify, i believe Chris knows there is no dialogue in ballet but sometimes he enjoys saying those things just to irritate me n see my expression cos he says i'm v drama... he gets the kick out of it... ha ha...)

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Maroon Arm Pits

Our church annual food fair is here again! Yeah! and we managed to get the much coveted drinks stall *grin* grace passed me the latest issue of Martha Stewart LIVING magazine...

"ey, check out the iced teas! they look great! we can make!!!!"

~ ok *wa, what pattern is she going to chute this time*

Last year we sold gyozas and grace orchestrated e entire team... we made banners and she came up with a great idea of SEWING jap chefs' outfits for everyone (6 of us). she designed it and so we went to get cloth, maroon and navy. the outfit will be a maroon coat with navy border and we'd write our cell group name in katakana vertically downwards in white gel ink. i designed the logo for our cell group (yes, our cell group has a logo!). we even made paper hats for everyone....

so the day before, we activated everyone to help out. she borrowed a sewing machine from her mum in law and i from mine. met at my place and after a while, it looked like some serious factory... w cloth strewn all over and two chief seamstresses.... grace, though petite, would give orders and everyone will go about it like worker ants. i'm like the supervisor cos normally only i understand her instructions cos great minds think alike. well, it took us like 3 hours to sew ONE coat. that was 10pm. we had 5 more to go before 8am.... at 12am, some of the guys in the group were exhausted so slowly they left. so it was grace, chris n me. of course, chris can't help much.... he can't even thread a needle.... so it was two of us.... at 3am.... i was half dead...

me: er... grace, i cannot already.... feel like i'm dying... really need to sleep.

grace: it's ok, u go, i try to finish then will lock the door when i leave...

so i dragged my limp body to my bed, plopped down and zonked off after setting the alarm to ring at 6:30am....

at 6:30am, the alarm rang, i walked out of my room and AAAHHHHHH!!!!! grace was still there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she was catching a wink on my couch. she DIDN'T go home!!!!!!!

so in the end, we only managed to make 4 outfits and 2 banners. we were certain we'd win the "best decorated stall" award...

we tried our best to smile and look bright and cheery through our dark circled eyes...

but we didn't win, the award went to some stall with such ugly and minimal decor.... grace was furious...

grace: what decor???? they didn't even decorate! n we looked so uniformed! so good!

me: ya! these old fogeys (the judges) got bad taste!

as we were packing up the stall, we took off our coats and gasp! we had maroon arm pits!!!!! ah!!!!!! in a bid to cut cost, grace had gone for the cheaper material.... turned out that the colour ran.... gross.... we were tired, oily, dirty and had maroon arm pits!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!

but we still had a great, meaningful and fun time =) (the maroon colour took about a day or two to clear though.... had to cover up)

i didn't fail to remind grace about last year's experience and that we should try and keep things simple this year.... but grace is a woman with many dreams and visions.... that's my grace, my inspiration =)

Desu Notto

Recently Chris' 2nd grand aunt passed away. she felt unwell so her son called an ambulance but while resting on the couch waiting for it to arrive, she drifted into a slumber and left.... what a good way to die.... die in your sleep, no pain no suffering. many years ago before i was born (erm... not so many years ago la...) my grand dad went to bed on the first day of CNY and never woke up.

So the other night, when Chris n I were lying on our bed, I said...

~ dear ah, i want to make a will...

" ha???? er... dear, u r v morbid.

~ u don't know when u will go ma.... i'm cool about death cos i know i will go back to heaven and see God but need to settle a few details...

" er... ok..."

~ pls sing my favourite hymns "how great thou art", "and can it be" and "great is thy faithfulness" at my wake. pls don't cry but rejoice. i am going to a better place..

"*roll eye balls* DEAR!!!! u r really very morbid!"

~ and my shoes, bags and fine bone china tea sets.... pls distribute to my buddies jiahui, grace, pris, yufen, eli, alison, liming n era *proceeded to give him the details of who gets what*... the small red burberry bag give cheyenne, she likes. thanks dear. oh, my DSLR, give u lor.

"er, thanks dear.... *roll eye balls*"

~i have been having bad memory... think i may have brain tumour. I love u dear

" DEAR!!!!!! U DON'T HAVE BRAIN TUMOUR! U HAVE HALITOSIS (medical term for bad breath)!!!!!! and it's very very severe. tomorow morning pls gargle with dettol! if u don't stop talking about death again, u r not allowed to buy any more branded goods until end of the year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ oh, er... oyasumi.... oh... er... grace gets my burberry trenchcoat k?

"SLEEP! NOW!"

*lights out*

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

Yeah Baby Yeah

My mom in law just got retired and grandma in law brought up the subject we most dread again...

"ah boy ah! quickly have a bearby la! now your mum is free can help take care..."

*Chris pretends to really concentrate on the boring TV programme, i suddenly need to go toilet*

"ah boy! rgo and have bearby! bearby very cute!"

"er ah ma, no time n no money lay!"

sigh.... i don't like it when people impose their values on us. we enjoy our freedom, our lifestyle and each other's company... so we don't feel the need to have a kid.... we'd rather get a pet.

actually what frightens me most about motherhood is the pain, pain and pain, i have a negative threshold for pain... i'd scream if someone wants to take my blood....

Pain number 1:
imagine having an episiotomy, where they slit the exit for the baby to slide out... Then open exit already must close ma, by stitching it lor.... i cannot imagine peeing after that.... my girlfriends sit on inflatable buoys (the donut floats used for swimming)... scary.

Pain number 2:
my girlfriend says matter-of-factly...

"oh, your breasts are TOTALLY destroyed when u breastfeed! if u have big boobs, they'd sag. if they r petite, they'd become tiny.... and they crack and bleed"

*gulp!*

Pain number 3:

"and got to wake up like every 2 hours to feed"

*wa lao, like that how to sleep? not getting my 8 hours of sleep every night is painful*

i feel i am so not ready to be a mother.... i don't think i'd be able to make these sacrifices.... i seriously am torn between propagating my excellent genes and having to go through all that...

sigh... i feel we're so unfilial but.... sigh.... really not ready....

When You Wish Upon A Star....fish

During lunch a couple of days ago.... my colleagues were talking about their kids *yawn* n Y said

"she sleeps in between us!"

~ha? won't u like smother the kid n kill her?

"wen la... it's instinct... u know she is in between u wen one..."

~really ah?....*picture headlines of TNP "woman smothered own flesh and blood in her sleep" or "infant dismembered by violent sleeper mom"*

I still don't believe it... how can it be possible? there r 3 toys on my bed and when i wake up, they are on different corners of the bed if lucky, if not, flung out of bed. i am what people call a STARFISH.... yes, when i sleep, i take the stance of the vitruvian man (the one Leonardo Da Vinci sketched) so take up about 5/6th of the bed, leaving Chris w about 1/6th of the bed... so he sleeps straight on his side. people say your sleeping style tells a lot about your personality.... starfishes are domineering.... sometimes i am a kraken (Davey Jones pet in pirates of the caribbean) n wrap my limbs around Chris as though he is the bolster. i am also a duvet usurper.... i will leave Chris w a portion of the blanket about the size of his head.... and some mornings after we wake up, Chris will grab a corner of the duvet, show it to me n say in the most pitiful voice...

"dear.... last night.... u gave me about this much of the blanket... tank kew... *sob*

~oops, sorrai... my apologies... next time just snatch it back la....

=)

~ er dear ah, do you find me domineering? think carefully before u answer.

"er NO!!! of course not! u r v accomodating... her her.. er... hm....

~am i a submissive wife?

"OH YES! veerrry submissive... her her... *feel guilty lying*

~and you're a good husband =)

*Chris rolls eye balls*

Take My Breath Away

While in Chris' car, I accidentally let out some gaseous by product from the rear... with some sound effect... i immediately went *gasp*.... *eyes dart left right left*

"DDDEEEEAAAAARRRRR! I heard that!"

~ er.... sorry... *look down* but xiang pi bu chou, chou pi bu xiang ma (sound is inversely proportional to intensity of odour for farts)...

"WOULD U MIND?????!!!!!!!"

~ sorry.... but dear, u should feel honoured leh.... it means i've become so comfortable w u.... u r now in my inner circle.... not everyone gets to share the innermost part of my life u know?

" ya, then can i HONOUR u next time?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
we've been HONOURING each other freely ever since =)

Man Hunt

Lately I have been on the prowl for an eligible bachelor, for one of my girlfriends. So when i am in church, i will extend my antenna and not miss out any potential candidate . I found one nice guy C, a bass guitarist, quite good looking...

~ ey, C, what do you do?

"oh... I just took over my dad's business..."

~ *wa, rich, add 10 points* u... attached?

"wa! u r v direct leh... er... i am married w a daughter!"

~ *darn* looking around for my girlfriend la...

"if got i take already ah! my cell group also got about 3 girls actively looking... sigh, after a certain age, it gets really difficult..."

~ yeh, men r like parking lots, the good ones r already taken... or u find out they're for the wrong type of vehicle.... if u know what i mean... (C chuckles) ey, the acoustic guitarist, what's his name?

"G"

~ is he married? attached? how old?

"same as me la. not married, not attached.

~ wa.... good, rich or not?

"wa! what kind of question is that?"

~ aiya, all of us didn't manage to become tai tais ma. so she is our last hope.... so we can sponge on her... ah ha ha ha...

so we proceeded to interview G, like we're from SDU

me: er G, u not married not attached hor?

ya

me: what do u do ha?

i am a programmer

me: *geek* what r your hobbies?

gaming

me: *yawn* what kind of girl do you like?

C interjects: "ai ya! Beautiful, Breasts and Butt la! it's the same for every guy! anyone who tells u otherwise is lying..."

me (to C): wa, so your wife got all three la...

C: "no la, she got none.... cos normally these 3 Bs come with the fourth B... bimbo. girlfriend can la but life partner... er... no, she's got to have my kids u know? My wife got Brains, most important...

me: *what a tweet... am glad he is married...*

C (to G): "eh eh eh i know i know... if it's your girlfriend's birthday what would u do?

oh, i am the type who will go out of the way to please a girl...

me: *not bad... add 2 points*

er.... but got one thing quite difficult one.. i am only child n dad passed away so got to live w mum...

me: er...oh... hm... er... oh, got to go practise already! *quickly stand up and walk out of the room*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sigh... i am right... men r like parking lots... the search is on...

Friday, 6 July 2007

Muzukashi....

Men... they like to ask the most ridiculously difficult questions....

the other day i was smsing my kor n chris saw me...

"dear! who u smsing again?" (i send like 1000+ smses a month u see...)

~my kor

"u love your kor a lot hor?"

~of course...

"so.... if your kor n i both fall into the river, who will u save first?"

~neither... cos he is athletic n u r a certified life guard! *roll eye balls*

"ya, but if your kor n i both fall into the river, who will u save first?"

~*fumes blow out from orifices* can u all save me? i don't swim v well...

"u r evading the question..."

~ DEAR!!!! such questions r not applicable to me!!!!!! cos it assumes the person is a good swimmer which i am NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *acts hysterical* let me drown let me drown!!! *beat chest* let... me...drown.... *wail*

"ok ok... i save your kor ok? i save your kor"

~ *dagger glare* so if margaret (his apple mac) n me drop into the river who will u save first?

"..."

Ban Mee

My husband Chris has the most unhealthy eating habits (at least to me) and one of his favourite junk food is KFC ( i don't even want to go into the kind of chickens they use...). I'd feel v disgruntled when we have to eat KFC (because he insists) cos I think it's laden w trans fat n the coleslaw taste of soap powder.... but chris will be savouring the crisp skin n will shake his head when i place mine aside saying,

"ah yo dear, u r wasting e best part..."

one day, i decided to use my power of persuasion on him...

~ dear, KFC is really bad... it's really unhealthy... u should take care of your health... if anything happens to u then who will take care of me *pitiful look*

"ok ok, i don't eat so often k?"

~u can only eat once a month

"ha????? once a month...? er..."

~ya, once a month... *glossy eyes*

"ok ok, once a month"

=)

well, my fav hawker food is "ban mian" or "ban mee" i'd call it in english... almost every time i eat at a hawker centre, i'd most likely eat ban mee, cos i think it's wholesome n delicious. but chris doesn like me to eat at hawker centres, he says i am only allowed to eat in restaurants if i am alone... don't know why... but i do it on the sly...

so one day, in a retaliatory move, he said to me

"dear, u can only eat ban mee once a month!"

~ha why??? it's healthy what?"

"no, your quota for ban mee is once a month."

~u can't ban me from eating ban mee!" i retorted

"yes i can. u r hereby banned from eating ban mee!"

recently he caught me eating ban mee and asked

"ey, i thought this month u eat ban mee already?"

~ha?? where got? that was june, now july already...."

"so no more ban mee this month ha...u have already used up your quota. oh, i havent had KFC for ages, can accumulate my quota n eat a few times this month" =D

*pissed look*

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

Hello Mite, Have a Good Die!

My buddy grace bought a monster of a vacuum cleaner, the revered Rainbow, which she paid $4500 for.... when she told me i was like,

~what???? u paid $4500 for a vacuum cleaner? what can it do that normal vacuum cleaners can't?

"oh, it's v v good. it's sucks out all the dust mites. Rainbow is the best in the market, NOTHING comes close." She emphasized on NOTHING, pursed her lips and shook her head...

so i decided to borrow it just to see how good it is... and boy, was i impressed! after sucking my mattress n couch, the water turned almost black!!!! like your cup of water after chinese calligraphy class!!! i stared at the water, really getting the kick out of it, and sent her an sms,

~ woah! your rainbow is kickass! it's really good. but it's so bulky n heavy i am perspiring like mad, more than cross country even.... i swear i lost 2 kg!

"ya, told u it's good. i was v excited at first too, like u, but now used to it already..."

so i decided to also buy a water-based vacuum cleaner but i was not about to spend $4500 on one... looked around, asked around n settled for the OSIM iecologie =) it steams to death the disgusting dust mites then sucks them out. but darn, it's sold out nationwide, will only arrive in august. in the meantime, i registered to try out the rhoomba robot, it's an automatic vacuum cleaner shaped like a disk that slides around sucking dirt n will go back to the dock to recharge. very cool.

i am so looking for to my iecologie. can't wait to boil these creatures to death.... hello mite, have a good die! waah ha ha ha!

Supermarket Stalker

Over the weekend I wanted to make beef stew so I went to the supermarket to get some beef n other ingredients. I was surveying the colour and firmness of the beef cubes in clear wrap when i sensed an aunty beside me surveying the pack of beef in my hand. from the corner of my eyes, i can see her maggie mee hair. then she picked up another pack, leaned towards me and asked me, like i was her friend,

"ey, which pack you think better?"

(aunty, do i look like a butcher to you?)

~ er... erm... i think the redder the better right? fresher.

i continued choosing my beef and tried to ignore her....

"ey, belly worth hor? got special offer."

~ but make sure u check the date

"it's ok one, this one is special offer, not mark down. mark down one not fresh."

~ right...

"really belly worth this one"

~ya... *press beef cube lightly with index finger*

"can grill belly nice"

~mm hm... *look at another pack of a different weight*

"make stick also belly nice"

~ *ran through the pronunciation of "steak" in my mind* ya

quickly grabbed one pack and accelerated trolley away...

then i got tempted by the packets of kettle chips screaming "buy me buy me!" so i checked them out. a voice came from behind,

"this chip quite nice hor?"

startled, i turned around n there was maggie mee aunty, checking out the chips too.

~ya... her her...

quickly grabbed one pack, flung it into my trolley n manoevred it to the bakery lane. i saw her lurking around, freaked out n quickly checked out at the cashier.

then i went to collect the cake i ordered n there she was... AGAIN!! she smiled n said hi. i forced out a fake grin n said hi, took my cake then zoomed my trolley to the taxi stand n quickly went home...

maggie mee aunty, u really freaked me out man.... i think she was trying to be friendly but the way she acted was spooky. some people need to know that other people have a "radius of comfort" n feel uneasy when strangers intrude into that like they r our buddies.

maybe she is just a desperate housewife... then pls get a gardener or a plumber... i'm taken.

Tuesday, 3 July 2007

Take My Camera, Not My Strap!

My elderly colleague T is such a funnyman... today, as usual, he was fondling the love of his life, his Nikon D2X and wondering aloud,

"hai... my lens is old already..."

to which L replied,

"ha ha.... want to buy new lens say la..."

"tsk... i don't like it when it's dirty la" (there were two tiny marks on the outside of the lens..)

"ey, the camera colin is using is a Leica right?"

"ya, but it's film one. digital one too ex, I can only afford the strap. neh, see, i got leica strap on my nikon. when i walk around i show off the strap, but use hand to cover my nikon... if people want to snatch my camera, i will ask them to take, but give me back my Leica strap!"

at this point i had to join in the conversation...

~ ha ha ha, ya like if people want to snatch my phone i will say gimme back my burberry strap like that... ha ha.

"ey, you know ha, people who buy Leica camera will purposely scratch it or make it look old and dirty... otherwise wait people come n snatch, chop off your arm ah!"

~ wa, if u hang your cam around your neck how? they got to chop off your head!

T laughs hysterically... then suddenly looks serious "ey, i not kidding leh."

ah ha ha ha ha